"I wanna be a BILLIONAIRE!"

**Sings the song "I wanna be a billionaire"**

I HATE THAT SONG!

You know how hard it is to become a billionaire?You know how many zeroes are in a billion dollars???LOL. I have professed my want to become a billionaire long before this song hit the airwaves. I actually remember the first time ever thinking it was actually possibly a conquest for me.

I was always to idealistic to even consider myself to live in reality. The cup was never half full or half empty, to me the cup just "was". The parts I enjoyed in high school the most was when I sat around the school alone in contemplation. Within these moments I would get the courage to continue to live. I would also try to figure out what word I would create to "trend" amongst the students. (yes i was twitter before twitter even existed) Anyways, I was walking to my 1st period class one day, and I became highly inspired by life. I looked up at the sky and something just told me "you can have it all if you want too". From that moment I've scheme'd ways to acquire fame, ways to invite confidence, and ways to avoid confusion.Sadly, life is not that easy and I have yet to break the millionaire mark. I've had dreams of providing friends with a great life with no worries. Dreams of providing my mom with everything she wanted, and dreams of providing my wife and kids with the life you could only dream about it. Does that require for me to be a billionaire?No, but this is where challenge and determination comes from. I'm extremely competitive in a very selective way. You can brag that your better than me at scrabble, and I wouldn't try to compete, but if you say your better than me at boxing, or something that interest me, than I will try my hardest to win. To become a billionaire is probably the most CHALLENGING IDEA in this world, yet many have done so, and I want to be included in that category. Is it for pride?yea, but is wanting to be able to run a marathon in under 20 minutes for pride?yes, and I like challenges. See most want to become a billionaire so they don't have to worry about life. With the right lifestyle you don't have to worry about life with 100,000, yet its the media who portrays millions of dollars to be the only means to a happy end. Such lies persuade those to seek a rapid life, filled with SEX,MONEY, AND GREED(just a few of my favorite things). I in fact know the truth, and the truth is that NO material object can bring happiness, but it can bring liberation. Now that I've strayed off my topic I will leave you with a question. Is Happiness, and Liberation the same?

Stay Thirsty My Friends


Self Loathing In FLA!

Sex,Drugs, and a Billion Dollars

I only slept for 2 hours today. I nearly stayed up to 9am, but i managed to get to sleep at 7 to wake up for 9. I can't sleep anymore, and the affects of such little energy is affecting my everyday thought process. I had alot of dreams last night that I'm becoming more aware of the more i go throughout the day. I had a dream about sex,drugs, and having a billion dollars.(plays wierd dream music as we fade into a dreamlike world of mystery)

I never wanted to do cocaine but today she was enticing me to do so. Women are the only thing that can get me to do something I don't want to do, and its because i like being used. She was innocent at first when she danced around the lines asking "have you ever stayed up all night and felt high?" and "have you ever been with a white girl?" With the combination of those two questions i deducted that she was asking me if i've ever tried cocaine. She was cute, but I realized that I was in a dream so I agreed to everything she said. Next thing you know were both intwined within each other, occasionally taking few moments to dip fingers into a powdered pouch. She would than slowly lick until even i felt the numbness on my fingers. Afterwards, i remembered walking outside to be somehow in Costa Rica, a place where I've wanted to buy real estate for some time. I was wearing nice clothes, was well in shape, and I overall felt like a very successful man. I was about to leave my house, but I became so engaged with my scenery.  The smell of the ocean, the beautiful blue sky, and the breeze. Such scene's reminded me of small alley ways in Verona,Italy. The wind that would gently brush against my shaved face, and the sights of flowing window curtains. I felt as if this feeling was what love really felt like for me.It spoke freedom in me.

I awoke after other various dreams feeling empty, and defeated. Feelings of apathy continuously clouding my mind, thoughts of suicide not lagging far behind, yet no attempts would ever be made. Some have questioned why I continually say this is a Real Estate Blog. They are correct its not, but real estate is a part of my life, and this blog is in representation of my life. I don't want to be like these other bloggers who are obviously blogging for money. Yes i am as well, but I want these words to one day be read by many people so they themselves, can possibly not feel so alone in there pursuit to financial freedom.

There is so much gut wrenching anxiety that comes to me when I speak of my dreams. One of my dreams is to be a successful real estate developer. I like designing things, and being creative. There are alot of designs, that have yet to be created, many more buildings that have yet to scrape the sky,but within this mentality I do not see my plans coming to fruition. Why do i have so much doubt? Its a combination of childhood problems mixed with religious problems,which lastly involves reality. I believe we all have the power to do many things, and we also have the power to continuously grow and learn yet I feel powerless within the knowledge that I can't do anything without God. Even men of philosophy have felt such excruciating pain that they themselves have came to terms within themselves, and began to self loathe. Without God i am nothing, yet God's purpose for my life may be contrary to what i want to do with mine. Therefore in many aspects if i am to go against the will of God while also damning my soul to hell, i can no longer pursue my happiness. Yet such beautiful longing may even negate itself once ones desire is acquired. I want to be a successful businessman, yet what if thats not meant for me? Confidence comes from good self esteem, it could also come from flattery, and mostly achievement. I've achieved many things that I dont draw confidence from, for I feel this battle between me and God that I will ultimately lose is pulling away from my free will. My aunt says "give yourself to God", those words feel like i have no choice. That unless I give myself to something that I don't necessarily want to, that I will forever be lost. Such feelings fuel my self-loathing. That i have to kneel before a God despite the fact I would serve if I didn't feel forced to. What type of God would want someone to believe in him out of desperation?out of Prudence?

"She Received a $20,000 Check in 30 days"....BULLSHIT

My first check was far away from 20,000 and instead of 30 days it took me about 5 months to close my first deal. Within those months I worked hard, continued to endure in this economy, and allow myself to become transformed through my own hardship. If its easy for you to make $20,000 in one day, I'm pretty sure you'll loose that money within 15. The problem with our american society, no the problem with the progression of our american society is that we lack endurance. In essence I wish i was so business-minded within my youth, for I would've been the person making money within this lack of endurance;is that wrong?Many Businessmen have become RICH playing off the insecurities and lack of moral fortitude that the media portrays, am I wrong for wanting to do the same thing?Ok, lets put this into perspective. Go to any real estate coach, and ask them to mentor you one-on-one.They'll either say 3 things. "Yes, i'll mentor you for a fee off of the closing cost", "No,I'm To Busy", or "Buy these certain courses while I mentor you". My problem is with the third choice. Now I've met COUNTLESS investors who did not buy any courses, yet just had a mentor willing to take the time to educate their apprentice.I've also met COUNTLESS wannabe investors who invested their hard earned cash into these courses from "real estate specialist" who in fact probably don't even do real estate anymore, because SO MANY people are buying their courses. Do I despise those people?Yes, Do I wish I thought of it first?HELL YES!, but I would be more merciful.

I understand completely how many of us feel in life. We were told when we were young, go to college, get a job, get married, have kids and DIE!;who wants that life?I'm sorry that I'm not self loathing today, but as i read countless blogs from single parents, and pregnant teenagers I'm sitting here saying to myself WHAT THE FUCK? What is this boring routine in which our environment has shaped for us?What is the meaning of that life?You the businessman will take into the account the single mom who needs money to allure her into investing her 700 dollars(when she only makes 1000 a month) into your course in hopes for her to receive that 20,000 check in 30 days. I wouldn't even call you a businessman, you arn't so clever, I would instead call you a bottom feeder, feeding off of those less educated, and riddled with overwhelming mistakes in there life,

This is what I see in Real Estate today, well haha atleast from the starting out perspective. Their are alot of good people out there willing to help, and i'm 100% certain those who are more willing to help will last in the long run. Well in actuality I can't say that, some people are just very good scammers. :D

When Are We Gonna Close?

I awoke with distinction. Money was on my mind, and I couldn't shake the thought of not seeing a 2,000 check. Going to the closing table is always a scary thing for a newbie investor, but should i consider myself a newbie?I've worked for an investment company. I've watched the process, or well more-so the enjoyment of seeing a house close, yet I feel as If I have yet to achieve such real estate success. You hear friends talk about their minuscule accomplishments which in their mind isn't so small, yet in mine its something that I would never call an accomplishment.*sigh* Its such a subjective thing...you know...life. What i deem unimportant is very much important to someone else, and that makes me happy to understand. In a way my own selfish pride could be the end of me, yet i continuously work towards an end in which i feel like I can compile enough people to save this world, but what are we saving it from?

There was this girl, she was beautiful, metaphorically unstable..for me, yet she was the epitome of something I wanted to be. She was strong, she never wavered. She was not as idealistic as the wind that brings something and takes it away. She wasn't so stern to be ignorant to the thoughts of elders. She became perfect to me. As I sit in wake trying to pursue her she was taken from me by my own ideals. I myself began to not understand what it took to love her.

It was a decision i had to make between me and her that took us away. I,Brandin James want you to not just understand me, but feel and grieve with me; she didn't require such attention.She did not waver, her ideals were pure, she continued to be who shewas the first time i met her. I constantly changed, and adapted to those around me. Each situation was a joy in which at the end i became depressed because noone took such effort into appeasing the crowd. She could careless of the crowd, and her sweet lips would speak sweetness as if it was honey continuously made by bees. She would often say "what do you want, don't care what they want, what do you want for you". Idealistically i was making each move in a progression to help these unknowns that i myself could never know. I was writing for you, breathing because i had to figure out this life for your own understanding. I wanted to be that invention as if i was the first wheel, or as if i founded the first plane. She would still my thoughts, yet she would not stay when the rain consumed my days. She became a figure in which alcohol and drugs dull such feelings of remembrance. An Ideal in which my own ambitions masked her presence, a mockery of people who don't understand my speech.

He began to explain what he wanted in a property. I noticed experienced investors always had a formula. They would say "well if its below 50k, and i could find a property which comparables were above 100k in which i could flip and receive 10-15k.Than I would be content".  I am in adoration in this period of time with those who take the risk to jump into business. The economy sucks, and in actuality American Society is not built for an EMPLOYEE to succeed, unless he/her understood his own subjective means. Each investor i faced I looked in the eye, hoping I can find what is there motivation. I hope its passion, and not a want to be free, because I in my life have found that longing for something can sometimes be better than actually receiving what you've longed for. Such irony continuously stimulates arousal in our intuitive human minds.

Where To Now?

"Where To Now?"she had it tattoo'd on her side, and every time i thought of it, I would ask myself the same. Sometimes life can become a cliche when you start asking yourself certain things like "Why is life so hard?", "Why can't I do what I want to do now?!"; you begin to sound like a baby. At times you want to tell yourself "its time to stop loathing" but its in this moment where true inspiration begins. Do you agree?Do you the reader agree with my depression in a way that you yourself want to achieve less?Do you just sit in your room staring at walls that begin to talk of ideals in which you want to achieve,yet your fear to walk across undulating planes that will cause you to buckle? Lets not forget the outside factors that encounter our self appraisal. Lets talk about the friends we keep, the love we have,and more so the empty yet passionate encounters we happily don't remember. Everything to you becomes a memory in which you lived after it happened. Something only remembered after you dreamed. Only a smile can come from such thoughts.

If you want the psychy of a true american who wants to succeed in this fucking disgusting economy than read me. Inhale me as if it was the last cigarette you could ever have, as if it was the last time you could kiss your wife, and as if it was the last time you saw your husbands eyes. I've walked hours mentally and physically to a place in which i thought i found the key to my success, yet i was mistaken. I was taken down a road by mysterious passengers whose smirk and talk of grand things only lead me to a learning experience of how everyone doesn't want to be your friend. I went to a place where I,me, and myself became a forgotten person. A place where an echo appeared to me as praise.A place where no glory was found.

In closing, I've always asked myself if I didn't have to make money would I try too?Ha, I could imagine many would say no, but would people surprise me and say yes?These questions lead to why do we do the things we do. Do we do out of passion or out of prudence? Do we move for the love or do we move because we have to?Why do we do anything at all........

Self Loathing In FLA

When you begin writing you start having a picture in your mind of what you want the reader to see, how you want the reader to feel, and than, you question if your able to even paint that picture. Right now close your eyes, and imagine your on a bridge. Its around 5 p.m so the sky is gold mixed with small patches of blue. The wind is gently hitting your face, and you are thinking of how and what you can do to succeed in this world. On top of the bridge in front of you is a door about 5 paces forward.You start to walk towards the door, but you hit the edge and realize theres no more flooring to walk on. Looking down you speculate how you are going to get there, and why you should even try. Your dreams, and desires are all in the door in front of you. You kick at the air hoping that there would be some invisible bridge, enabling you to get across but you feel nothing. You become insecure at the thought of not walking through that door, but you become increasingly insecure if your even able to make it there. Such depressive thoughts deprive you of your freedom, trapping you inside walls that to you become suffocating, enamoring, and downright complacent. You begin to hate self for not taking the chance to believe, not able to take the risk to achieve. You begin walking down a path opposite of the door, a path to self loathing. 

What do you do when you have to fight against a world who doesn't embrace, yet deceives? Again I ask you, what do you do? Do you conform to ideals in which you don't believe?Do you denounce your individuality in order to make it in the world?Do you do nothing at all?

If you can feel the anxiety that i breathe once i say "Self Loathing in FLA" than you can possibly understand where I am coming from. I am a student,failed business owner of a year who is to idealistic to quit, yet being pushed against individuality to succeed, where does one have to sacrifice? I've been through my fair share of problems just as many of you. I've been deceived by my family, but i've always been the one to deceive. I've have cheated my way to glory, yet have fallen from glory at the same time. I have dreams, and goals just as you, and I am not afraid to say that there is nothing different from any of us except one thing. Do you have the heart to walk through that door?Do you have the passion to somehow take a leap, or take steps to somehow open the door to your dreams?

Do I?